The Secret to Lasting Love: Gratitude in Motion
You cannot think your way into a wonderful relationship.
Gratitude. It’s a concept we hear of so often these days. In fact, it’s hard to read about relationships and human connection without running into some kind of call for being grateful. However, in my opinion, these exhortations towards being grateful have become divorced from the reality of fostering a healthy, long-term, attachment between two people. You cannot think your way into a wonderful relationship. There is no more otiose a theory than those that use gratitude as an analgesic to relational strife or as an isolated means of connection building. Humans are creatures of action. A long-lasting coupling requires, like almost all good things in life, consistent effort and dedicated action. Where attention goes, energy flows and energy is the currency you spend to give your endeavours life. Therefore, the power of gratitude comes in its ability to steer your attention and energy into your relationship.
To reap the rewards of gratitude the emotion must lead to some physical manifestation in your life and your partners. It cannot be used as a purely mental exercise.
Without physicality gratitude has no power and will simply vanish back into the nature of your mind like all the other thoughts unacted on. So, how can we ensure that our gratitude is given life within our relationships? There are two simple steps to doing so. Firstly, you must feel the emotion truly without reserve. Secondly, you let it guide your actions.
The first point is a small but important one. As gratitude is nothing without a physical manifestation, so too is an action nothing that is taken without true gratitude at its core. To act in such a way as to feign gratitude will almost always backfire. Not only because your partner will likely pick up on your ruse but also because pretending to be grateful is your attempt at trying to control the world through lies and deceit. The world is too variable, and huge, for us to rely on anything other than the truth we feel in our hearts to guide us. Being true to yourself is always the first step to a strong relationship.
Upon the fertile ground of true gratitude, a small seed of action will yield incredible results. This brings us to the second step. To manifest gratitude, you must give it your most precious resource. Your time. Time to let it guide your actions and show yourself and your partner how much you care. This can be something as simple as feeling grateful for your partner and, while the emotion is hot and fresh within you, letting them know how you feel. It can be taking the time out of your day to buy flowers on the way home or cooking their favorite meal. All actions that speak to your love are ones that will manifest your gratitude in the world. Giving your partner your undivided attention is another way you can let gratitude take the wheel and steer. There are so many ways to express your love it is impossible to enumerate them all. The most important thing to remember, always, is that action and energy are the currency the world of relationships trade in.
To make this real take some time out of your busy day. Meditate on your relationship and all there is to be grateful for it. If there are problems in your relationship you are working through, then give yourself permission to worry about them later. Spend the time focusing on why you love your partner. Allow these thoughts to give way to the emotion of gratitude. When you feel it, note down a few ways you might show it. Don’t edit, don’t think, don’t plan logistics, just brainstorm. Once you have a list pick one to do today and another to do next week. In doing so you yield to positive action and give gratitude the time it needs to manifest its power now and in the future.
Don’t let gratitude be nothing more than a thought or feeling. Give it the nourishment it needs to make a positive change in your life. Allow yourself to feel it truly. Think hard and specifically about why you love your partner and why you are grateful for them. Then show yourself, and them, how you feel through your deeds. Be grateful and act.
